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How To Talk About Feelings With Your Life Partner - by Sasha LeBaron
Three T Communication
When it comes to talking about feelings don't forget that everyone has them, only some don't feel comfortable sharing them. And, when it comes to men, just the thought of talking about "feelings" is enough to drive them to the remote control, the den or Moe's Tavern!
So, how do successful life partners communicate when it comes to the tender parts of our hearts we call feelings?
How do we break down the feeling barrier between men and women?
After reading hundreds of books, investing thousands on training and years of personal experience I have found that simply using what I call the Three T communication can dramatically improve the chances of a successful feelings communication.
Time, Trust and TruthNumber One: Time
Don't try to talk about feelings when you are in a rush or when one partner is stressed about something else. Wait until you have time alone, where you won't be disturbed to bring up the subject of feelings with your life partner. You can even take the phone off the hook or go for a walk. Most people fail in the feeling conversation simply because they don't invest enough time. Remember, it can take some time for most men and even for some women to connect and feel ready to share real feelings.Number Two: Trust
For me to open up I need to know that I won't be hurt with any information I share. So, when talking about feelings, always accept your partners feelings as individual to him or her. Not absolutes that make him or her "bad", "good" or anything else. Remember, feelings are very personal and some may not pretty. Do not allow your own feelings to get in the way of clear communication. Build trust by simply accepting your life partner's feelings, no matter what they are. Don't forget, it takes trust to share feelings and if that trust is not respected you may never get an honest feeling conversation started again.Number Three: Truth
Always tell the truth! Never lie, obscure or manipulate when it comes to feelings in a relationship. You may get away with it for a time but as 80% of communication is non-verbal, you will never totally succeed in hiding your true feelings. Remember, we all have feelings we aren't proud of. Don't you remember wishing your parents were dead when you were 6? Tell the truth and keep an open non-judging mind and you will be rewarded in the feeling conversation.
You must tell your truth first! When you want your life partner to open up about feelings you have to put your "cards" on the table first! Don't expect people, men especially, to be first off the mark when it comes to feelings. Most men find it strange enough talking about feelings in the first place! When you first share your feelings from the heart, you will find that your partner is then much more willing to share his (or hers) with you.
Use the preceding as a guide when it comes to a successful conversation about feelings. Don't rush, build trust and always tell your truth first. By using the Three T communication template you will find that your life partner relationship will improve, your stress levels will be reduced and your other conversations will improve too, even if feelings aren't even involved!
Sasha LeBaron is a retired fire fighter, coach and author of two books as well as many articles on the specific techniques and tools involved with finding your perfect life partner. He lives in the gulf islands of BC, Canada with his perfect life partner and a large fluffy cat. Learn how you can find your perfect life partner in as little as ten minutes per day. Click here